Please unlock Dave

First, Kudos to Isaac for naming the one piece of hardware I have yet to purchase, the double gertered bavarian cold dipped snaus screw. I checked at my local Ace hardward emporium and they come in various lengths and either hot-dipped, cold-dipped or stainless. It goes without saying they are bugle tipped. I bought matching earrings made from them for Faye for Christmas so don't tell her.
And Kudos to Diane for renaming the porch the porck. I will christen it as such when the champagne arrives.

So, I am in a new job with high expectations. I kind of lied my rear end off in the interview, (I invented cheese and the computer) and I am trying my best to figure things out on my own instead of calling every 9 minutes with another "how do I" type question. So this morning my boss asks for a specific document by the end of the day with very specific information. He had even provided the slides from a powerpoint presentation on how to access the database to get the information. Well, this seems like a no-brainer for me. I should be able to review the slides, access the database and send out a memo the likes of which have rarely been seen in all the land. I shall succeed - I just knew it.

Well, you have all tried to gain access to websites and databases when the password and the filename contain numerous letters, numbers and symbols, some of which have to be capitalized or lower cased or whatever. Well, I went through every possible combination of these trying to get into the damned database and I couldn't do it. Before I go on, a note about my boss. He is a British man and can be very finicky , especially when he says he wants something by a certain date. They are refered to as Hardfiles at Farmers and I was recently(just hours before this) called on the carpet because I had missed one of his Hardfiles. So I was not about to miss this one. Anyway, like I said he is a Brit from Kennsington Smythefield Widget Pickleworthe Fudgemonkey-on-Avon, a suburb of Plankmeat Farthington Specialsaucelettucepickle Onasesameseedbun Pencilneck Danglersbotton. He is very particular about everything. So, after literally hours of trying every other avenue to get into this database (I called the helpdesk and HR and people I didn't even know) I finally sent him an e-mail admitting my failure and asked for his help with the database. Minutes later I get the e-mail chain from him - He sent my e-mail to the IT guy and it stated "Please unlock Dave." I spent the better part of my morning trying to get into a database and give him some F-gerund memo and he had me locked out of the database. There is still spit on my computer screen from all the cursing and venom I spewed, yes spewed, when I saw that e-mail.

That was how my morning started.
How was yours.