It turns out I can record stuff. I sat down on Sunday and figured out how to record different tracks and actuall recorded a 5 track ditty that was 39 seconds of recorded bliss. I am sending it to the Smithsonian - I hear they like stuff like this. Two rhtym tracks, two different overlaying guitar solos and a bass track. As soon as I learn how to work the drums I will be dangerous. I found myself yelling "More cowbell" to no one in particular. I am so hard to work with.
So next time you hear (blog) from me I will be a recording genius and can Ghandi really say that about himself? I think not.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Long time eh?
So I get an e-mail from Diane asking me to blog. I explain that I have been very busy. Her response was - "Was Ghandi too busy? How about Mr. Rogers?" So I really don't have any reason to delay any further. I am not that busy, I just think I am. I find muyself feeling overwhelmed and then at the end of the day, as I lay in bed reading Harry Potter, again, I realize I spent at least two hours that evening watching TV. And not even TV that is really all the interesting or elightening. It's like I feel Tom Bergeron will miss me if I don't purposefully watch every minute of an episode of America's Funnies Videos that I have already seen. I find myself not listening to Faye because I have to see if that kid gets his nuts whanged by the handrail as he tries to skateboard over it. Like they would she me the video if he successfully zipped right over it. My brain goes like this:
Me: "I wonder if he will get whanged this time?"
TV sound: "Whang!!!"
Me: Phew, that was a close one. I wonder if he was OK or if he found his nuts ever?"
And I do this night after night - yet I can't spend a few minutes to update my BLOG with interesting news like this.
Well, I was in Los Angeles last week, and it was for a management seminar called Managers Leadership Development. MLD for those of us at Farmers. It is essentially Farmers way of hazing suckers like me who have been chosen as leaders of the future for the company. Well, what it ended up being is an intense, sleep deprived week of craziness that had an observer the entire time. So when I was falling asleep during the last day of lecture he wrote:
"I notice that you closed your eyes for three minutes during the lecture on Coaching your Employees until they Cry. This could be construed as disrepectful for the speaker."
Now it takes a big man to take this sort of criticism in stride and just shake it off as the end of a stressful week. I am not a big man and wanted to say:
"I noticed that you sat in the back of the classroom all week making snippy remarks about the poor students in the class. In fact what I want to tell you is that you look like a penis with a hat on. " But of course I would never say that because it is rude and it would get back to my boss and I don't need the increased aggravation. However, at the end of it all we had to give a team presentation to a panel of twelve executives and I absoultely stole the show. I was witty and eloquent and I don't think I was disrespectful of anyone there. I'm sure my observer was making snotty remarks about me but, at that point, I couldn't give one hairy rip. It was a long week and I came back home and slept for two days. It is now over and they can't make me go back. At least I don't think they can.
I purchased a new thing today. I have been waiting for months to either get more money or hope theprice went way down. In fact, I got a little bit of money for being one of the best in the MLD class so, even though it was on sale and still more than I should have spent, l bought it. It is a 64 track recording studio. It is totally cool and I can't wait until I understand how to use it. I sat down with it for a few hours and I now know how to play the demo songs and separate all the tracks on the recording. I hope to be able to actually record something on it by the end of the week. Of course it came with just about everything I needed to make it work. (Batteries were not included) I had to buy a stack of blank CDs. When I got home I realized I couldn't hear what I was playing any more because I needed a cable to hook up my amp to the studio monitor. As soon as I get these I will be able to hear what I am playing. Now I have to use my headphones which works but I like the live sound better. As soon as I make some killer recordings I will share with all of you. Until then I will just try to figure out how to turn it on withour blowing it up.
I have been riding my bike quite a bit for the past few months. There is a ride from Seattle to Portland ( a two day event) that I would like to do some day. I am now up to a 15 mile ride and am told that I need to be able to at least do 60 or so in a day before I try and do the big ride. Now I can do the 15 mile ride and not feel like barfing. So I've got that going for me. I like to think of it as baby steps. I don't want to be the one guy that all of the other riders have to avoid because of the flying barf up ahead of them. I would likely be far behind them anyway. It sounds like it would be a bloast to ride so I will keep trying and eventually try to ride 50 of 60 miles on a Saturday. Steve Doxey has done it before but he has a lot nucer bike than me. He is younger than me. I have more excuses if you want me to keep going. I'll keep you informed.
I am singing in a local chorale group that is made up of mormons and more mormons singing some fairly pretty music. We are hoping to do our performance in May at a local church downtown. And it's not a mormon church either. We are singing a song in french called Dirait-on. It is very pretty and I don't have to sing much of the actual french, just a lot of Dirait-on's and lots of OOOs. However, there is one extremely snotty, full-of-herself woman in the group who continually tells us all how we are mispronouncing the french, like anyone is actually going to understand us anyway. I would like to mispronounce some french in her general direction but, again, have taken the high road like at MLD. I believe her father smelt of elderberries though. I mention this to bring up my point that I generally have a hard time dealing with "music" people. These are the ones who openly criticize your singing and posture and parentage - then say "I'm sorry for being rude; it's just how I am. The music is so important to me." I again have to hold my "penis with a hat on" remark for later. So I am dealing with the music folks and singing some pretty cool music.
Anyway,this group is generally pretty proud of themselves and trade e-mails all day long. The two ladies that set it up have a website and we communicate through that. The issue is, the only way to respond to an e-mail is "respond to all". I get at least 15 e-mails a day that I am now just deleting without reading. I have them go to my business account and it is aggravating. A typical routine is:
Karen: I think we should change the name of the group to Cantico.
Paul: What does that mean. Don't you mean cantique?
Karen: No I like Cantico. It is spanish for song.
Gary: Cancion is spanish for song. I think you got it wrong.
Karen: I really, really like cantico and I've already changed the website with the name on it so can't we just keep it.
Holly: (who has not read the last few) I like cantique - it sounds cool. Kind of French-y.
Rob: Hi - is there practice tonight or not?
Karen: Rob, what do you think about cantico?
Rob: I like in on rice with a salad. Isn't that the chicken dish with salsa on it?
Rebecca: How come no one asked my opinion? I like Cantico - the Portland Chorale Singers
Of course every person in the group (15) gets all of these inane comments. It was humorous the first few days. Then it was just stupid. Then aggravating.
So there you have it. Maybe I shouldn't write much. There really isn't much here, eh?
Me: "I wonder if he will get whanged this time?"
TV sound: "Whang!!!"
Me: Phew, that was a close one. I wonder if he was OK or if he found his nuts ever?"
And I do this night after night - yet I can't spend a few minutes to update my BLOG with interesting news like this.
Well, I was in Los Angeles last week, and it was for a management seminar called Managers Leadership Development. MLD for those of us at Farmers. It is essentially Farmers way of hazing suckers like me who have been chosen as leaders of the future for the company. Well, what it ended up being is an intense, sleep deprived week of craziness that had an observer the entire time. So when I was falling asleep during the last day of lecture he wrote:
"I notice that you closed your eyes for three minutes during the lecture on Coaching your Employees until they Cry. This could be construed as disrepectful for the speaker."
Now it takes a big man to take this sort of criticism in stride and just shake it off as the end of a stressful week. I am not a big man and wanted to say:
"I noticed that you sat in the back of the classroom all week making snippy remarks about the poor students in the class. In fact what I want to tell you is that you look like a penis with a hat on. " But of course I would never say that because it is rude and it would get back to my boss and I don't need the increased aggravation. However, at the end of it all we had to give a team presentation to a panel of twelve executives and I absoultely stole the show. I was witty and eloquent and I don't think I was disrespectful of anyone there. I'm sure my observer was making snotty remarks about me but, at that point, I couldn't give one hairy rip. It was a long week and I came back home and slept for two days. It is now over and they can't make me go back. At least I don't think they can.
I purchased a new thing today. I have been waiting for months to either get more money or hope theprice went way down. In fact, I got a little bit of money for being one of the best in the MLD class so, even though it was on sale and still more than I should have spent, l bought it. It is a 64 track recording studio. It is totally cool and I can't wait until I understand how to use it. I sat down with it for a few hours and I now know how to play the demo songs and separate all the tracks on the recording. I hope to be able to actually record something on it by the end of the week. Of course it came with just about everything I needed to make it work. (Batteries were not included) I had to buy a stack of blank CDs. When I got home I realized I couldn't hear what I was playing any more because I needed a cable to hook up my amp to the studio monitor. As soon as I get these I will be able to hear what I am playing. Now I have to use my headphones which works but I like the live sound better. As soon as I make some killer recordings I will share with all of you. Until then I will just try to figure out how to turn it on withour blowing it up.
I have been riding my bike quite a bit for the past few months. There is a ride from Seattle to Portland ( a two day event) that I would like to do some day. I am now up to a 15 mile ride and am told that I need to be able to at least do 60 or so in a day before I try and do the big ride. Now I can do the 15 mile ride and not feel like barfing. So I've got that going for me. I like to think of it as baby steps. I don't want to be the one guy that all of the other riders have to avoid because of the flying barf up ahead of them. I would likely be far behind them anyway. It sounds like it would be a bloast to ride so I will keep trying and eventually try to ride 50 of 60 miles on a Saturday. Steve Doxey has done it before but he has a lot nucer bike than me. He is younger than me. I have more excuses if you want me to keep going. I'll keep you informed.
I am singing in a local chorale group that is made up of mormons and more mormons singing some fairly pretty music. We are hoping to do our performance in May at a local church downtown. And it's not a mormon church either. We are singing a song in french called Dirait-on. It is very pretty and I don't have to sing much of the actual french, just a lot of Dirait-on's and lots of OOOs. However, there is one extremely snotty, full-of-herself woman in the group who continually tells us all how we are mispronouncing the french, like anyone is actually going to understand us anyway. I would like to mispronounce some french in her general direction but, again, have taken the high road like at MLD. I believe her father smelt of elderberries though. I mention this to bring up my point that I generally have a hard time dealing with "music" people. These are the ones who openly criticize your singing and posture and parentage - then say "I'm sorry for being rude; it's just how I am. The music is so important to me." I again have to hold my "penis with a hat on" remark for later. So I am dealing with the music folks and singing some pretty cool music.
Anyway,this group is generally pretty proud of themselves and trade e-mails all day long. The two ladies that set it up have a website and we communicate through that. The issue is, the only way to respond to an e-mail is "respond to all". I get at least 15 e-mails a day that I am now just deleting without reading. I have them go to my business account and it is aggravating. A typical routine is:
Karen: I think we should change the name of the group to Cantico.
Paul: What does that mean. Don't you mean cantique?
Karen: No I like Cantico. It is spanish for song.
Gary: Cancion is spanish for song. I think you got it wrong.
Karen: I really, really like cantico and I've already changed the website with the name on it so can't we just keep it.
Holly: (who has not read the last few) I like cantique - it sounds cool. Kind of French-y.
Rob: Hi - is there practice tonight or not?
Karen: Rob, what do you think about cantico?
Rob: I like in on rice with a salad. Isn't that the chicken dish with salsa on it?
Rebecca: How come no one asked my opinion? I like Cantico - the Portland Chorale Singers
Of course every person in the group (15) gets all of these inane comments. It was humorous the first few days. Then it was just stupid. Then aggravating.
So there you have it. Maybe I shouldn't write much. There really isn't much here, eh?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Has it been that long?
I was just cleaning up my work e-mails and saw Diane's note to me - "This is my blog address" so I looked at her blog. I then thought I should look at my blog and see what's up. I guess I haven't been on for more than 3 weeks. That seems like a long time, even for a slacker like myself.
This is the time of year that seems to just drag on. There is no college football. The Superbowl is coming up but who cares, really. Then it is a month or so before March madness. I don't really get into college hoops until then. There are just too many teams to follow. And listening to ESPN analysts is as enjoyable as getting the prostate check from a large-fingered intern. So I just wait unntil the bracket comes out, put in my $5 and take a stab at the best sounding teams. I always assume a team like St. Bonaventure must have God on their side so they will likely beat a team with just initials like UNC. That is why I usually end up adding to the winner's pool rather than winning the pool. You just wait - one of these years Ione will play Canesius for the title and I will be the only one to collect it all.
So anyway, I just sit here, day after day, and work. We got the new Wii (it's not really new, it's just new to us) and Faye and I bowl like we are total geeks each and every night. I am proud to say I have made three diferent Miis pros. I usually bowl as Tamsen (she made her own Mii on our system) and she is pretty good. Faye and I are thinking about geting shirts and starting to smoke, we are that good. It is tough to keep up on the biking. Portland has decided to become a winter sity this year and it has snowed a lot. It is hard to seriously bike when there is snow and ice on the roads. Besides, it is way cold and I hate biking when it is so snowy outside. So I do the Wii sports. It is a way to act like I'm exercising when I'm really not doing that much. Although, it is fun to try and snowboard. I realize I would be dead or serioiusly injured if I tried this in real life. Really, I would endanger the lives of all on the slopes if I were to do this in real life. I can make it turn but not like the guys I see on TV. My style is more of a chaos on ice. It is humorous though. I crack myself up each and every time.
So there, I've blogged. Are you happy?
This is the time of year that seems to just drag on. There is no college football. The Superbowl is coming up but who cares, really. Then it is a month or so before March madness. I don't really get into college hoops until then. There are just too many teams to follow. And listening to ESPN analysts is as enjoyable as getting the prostate check from a large-fingered intern. So I just wait unntil the bracket comes out, put in my $5 and take a stab at the best sounding teams. I always assume a team like St. Bonaventure must have God on their side so they will likely beat a team with just initials like UNC. That is why I usually end up adding to the winner's pool rather than winning the pool. You just wait - one of these years Ione will play Canesius for the title and I will be the only one to collect it all.
So anyway, I just sit here, day after day, and work. We got the new Wii (it's not really new, it's just new to us) and Faye and I bowl like we are total geeks each and every night. I am proud to say I have made three diferent Miis pros. I usually bowl as Tamsen (she made her own Mii on our system) and she is pretty good. Faye and I are thinking about geting shirts and starting to smoke, we are that good. It is tough to keep up on the biking. Portland has decided to become a winter sity this year and it has snowed a lot. It is hard to seriously bike when there is snow and ice on the roads. Besides, it is way cold and I hate biking when it is so snowy outside. So I do the Wii sports. It is a way to act like I'm exercising when I'm really not doing that much. Although, it is fun to try and snowboard. I realize I would be dead or serioiusly injured if I tried this in real life. Really, I would endanger the lives of all on the slopes if I were to do this in real life. I can make it turn but not like the guys I see on TV. My style is more of a chaos on ice. It is humorous though. I crack myself up each and every time.
So there, I've blogged. Are you happy?
Friday, January 2, 2009
Missionay Schmissionary
We are now in the middle of trying to get Matt ready to go on his mission. In the old days, the days when I went on a mission, you just went in to the Bishop and he filled out your forms and sent them in to a big building in Salt Lake and the rest just magically happened. Well, not so any more. It is a big on-line conspiracy and we are just a tiny blip on the radar.
Well, after hours of trying to log on many different ways I called the missionary department. A very nice, yet condescending, lady got me to a nice, but condescending, man who told me that my bishop needed to initialize the process and then we could access the system just fine. He did insinuate, with the tone of his voice, that perhaps I was not paying a full tithe or maybe, just maybe, I was not worthy enough to access the Lord's website. I got over this and am now in the process of leaving voice messages at every phone my bishop has even used trying to get access to this system before Matt's scheduled physical tomorrow. I think there is a biblical precedent for this in Hezekiah. "Yea, the Priest of Baal shall not triumph over the hosts of the Israelites until he shall gain access to the website of the Moabites.." I am paraphrasing but I think you get the point. It was all about access and band width, even in ancient times.
So now we wait. I hate waiting. When I am ready to get moving I think everyone should be available to get me the information I need. Immediately. No down time. I need answers and I need them now.
Other than that Christmas was bizarre. It was so cold and icy and snowy here that we were mostly homeound the week before Christmas. Of course, that was the week we were planning on getting much of our shopping and such done. The freeways were mostly clear but getting out of our neighborhood was a nightmare. So we sat and enjoyed each other's company. We enjoyed the tree. Then we broke down and opened Sam's present and played on the Wii until we were hurting. We figured the Wii is new and it wouldn't hurt if we made sure there were no bugs or glitches in it before he took it back to Provo. So when Sam and Tamsen finally made it here we wrapped up the Wii box and gave it to them. So who cares if there are already high scores and named players in the system, we were bored out of our noggins and had to do something. We actually purchased our own Wii system the next day and are enjoying the snot out of it as we speak.
So, after many days of not working I am back to work again. I have always felt the sine qua non of a decent vacation is if you can't remember your password when you get back. Unfortunately I was able to remember my passwords when I logged in this morning so, by definition, the vacation was not long enough. I also woke up to more snow on the roads this morning. I can't believe this. We moved to Portland to get away from the snow and now it is all over the place.
During the storm we had snow, then ice, then lots of snow. This caused all sorts of tree limbs to come crashing down all around us. We heard several large branches come down on our roof and hoped for the best. A few days ago I went up on the roof just to see the amount of foliage up there and found out that one of the crashes we heard actually penetrated the roof. Luckily the branch was still stuck in the roof so the hole was plugged quite snugly. I got someone out the same day and they patched the roof so when the remaining rain and snow came the next few days I am comfortable my roof is in no worse shape than it was before all of this happened. They joys of homeownership. We also visited out widow neighbor Eva and found that her back yard was a battleground of broken tree limbs. So a few days ago the entire famiy went back there and cleaned up her backyard. Even Diane and Matt got to enjoy this service for our neighbors. Matt got to use the power saw so that was fun. The rest of us just hauled stuff to different piles. Lots of fun. Eva thinks we are superheroes though. I think we are.
The sun is out. The snow is melting. I am out.
Well, after hours of trying to log on many different ways I called the missionary department. A very nice, yet condescending, lady got me to a nice, but condescending, man who told me that my bishop needed to initialize the process and then we could access the system just fine. He did insinuate, with the tone of his voice, that perhaps I was not paying a full tithe or maybe, just maybe, I was not worthy enough to access the Lord's website. I got over this and am now in the process of leaving voice messages at every phone my bishop has even used trying to get access to this system before Matt's scheduled physical tomorrow. I think there is a biblical precedent for this in Hezekiah. "Yea, the Priest of Baal shall not triumph over the hosts of the Israelites until he shall gain access to the website of the Moabites.." I am paraphrasing but I think you get the point. It was all about access and band width, even in ancient times.
So now we wait. I hate waiting. When I am ready to get moving I think everyone should be available to get me the information I need. Immediately. No down time. I need answers and I need them now.
Other than that Christmas was bizarre. It was so cold and icy and snowy here that we were mostly homeound the week before Christmas. Of course, that was the week we were planning on getting much of our shopping and such done. The freeways were mostly clear but getting out of our neighborhood was a nightmare. So we sat and enjoyed each other's company. We enjoyed the tree. Then we broke down and opened Sam's present and played on the Wii until we were hurting. We figured the Wii is new and it wouldn't hurt if we made sure there were no bugs or glitches in it before he took it back to Provo. So when Sam and Tamsen finally made it here we wrapped up the Wii box and gave it to them. So who cares if there are already high scores and named players in the system, we were bored out of our noggins and had to do something. We actually purchased our own Wii system the next day and are enjoying the snot out of it as we speak.
So, after many days of not working I am back to work again. I have always felt the sine qua non of a decent vacation is if you can't remember your password when you get back. Unfortunately I was able to remember my passwords when I logged in this morning so, by definition, the vacation was not long enough. I also woke up to more snow on the roads this morning. I can't believe this. We moved to Portland to get away from the snow and now it is all over the place.
During the storm we had snow, then ice, then lots of snow. This caused all sorts of tree limbs to come crashing down all around us. We heard several large branches come down on our roof and hoped for the best. A few days ago I went up on the roof just to see the amount of foliage up there and found out that one of the crashes we heard actually penetrated the roof. Luckily the branch was still stuck in the roof so the hole was plugged quite snugly. I got someone out the same day and they patched the roof so when the remaining rain and snow came the next few days I am comfortable my roof is in no worse shape than it was before all of this happened. They joys of homeownership. We also visited out widow neighbor Eva and found that her back yard was a battleground of broken tree limbs. So a few days ago the entire famiy went back there and cleaned up her backyard. Even Diane and Matt got to enjoy this service for our neighbors. Matt got to use the power saw so that was fun. The rest of us just hauled stuff to different piles. Lots of fun. Eva thinks we are superheroes though. I think we are.
The sun is out. The snow is melting. I am out.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A Partial List
A Partial List
The following is a partial list of things that have or are currently irking me. Now, I know what you are saying, “Dave, you just need to get over this little snit you are having and get on with your life.” To you (and you know who you are) I say "Bite yourself, this is my blog and I am irked so read on, if you dare.
Texas toll roads – Good Lord. This state is huge and sprawling and all that. But do you have to make me stop every 7 miles and pay an additional $1.50. I like the idea of having outer-ring highways that avoid the inner-city traffic but why make me stop every 9 minutes to pay a little bit more. I would be happy to pay the full 5 dollars at the beginning of the trip and be done with it. But no, they designed it to have me stop every few miles and pay a little bit more. And I always seem to be in the lane with the lady looking for exact change. You’ve met her before – she has a combination of Euros, pesos and zlotys and is sure, with the current exchange rates she has exact change.
Airport delays – I am currently writing this aboard my flight from Austin to Las Vegas. It was delayed 20 minutes. Then it was delayed 30 minutes. It was finally delayed 45 minutes but the captain assures me that I will get to Las Vegas with 25 minutes to spare to make my connecting flight back home. Of course when we were boarding the plane the same woman with the exact European change brought on a bag that was clearly not the correct size and she was dead set she could make it fit in the overhead bin, I’m no scientist but a 19 inch deep bin will never hold a 23 inch bag. It just won’t happen no matter how hard you push. Her plan was to push on it, then stand back and say “Huh” and then push it again. Repeat this process 16 times and you have my evening. They eventually convinced her to check the bag and we all got out of the gate after another lengthy delay.
One day business trips – Two hour time differences, two interviews, one conference call and three flight delays. Add in an electronics convention and a lousy hotel bed with a lame TV and I was in rare form when the lady tried to shove the bag in. I thought of a nice place she could shove her bag but kept my mouth shut. "Hey, instead of shoving your oversized bag in the bin, why don't you just shove it right up your..." What an oversized bag, if you know what I mean.
The steward on my flight – he has now asked the people all around me if they want more soda or whatever they are drinking. He has not yet asked me if I would like another shot of diet Coke. The answer is “Yes – I would love another diet Coke.” But he hasn’t asked me that so we will never know if I would have enjoyed the second Coke because it doesn’t look like he is ever going to ask. Yes – I am pissed.
Other airline folks who just don’t get it – My favorite part of the airport experience is the security check. I love taking the computer out of the bag and placing it in a separate bin. I like taking off my shoes and emptying my pockets and my glasses and placing them all in another bin. My favorite is taking off my belt. I’m not sure what security risk a belt poses but I comply, I just do. I especially love it when a lady (you know the one I’m talking about) stops the line when she, no matter how many times she has flown before, runs her bag through the scanner with a full bottle of water. The combination of her looking perplexed and the security guy thinking he has just foiled the next 9/11 plot stops the line for what seems like hours. Of course I am holding my pants up (remember my belt is in a separate bin by now) and just hoping the rest of the day will get better. It rarely does.
Once I am on the flight there is an older lady, not really old but old enough that she surely doesn’t need to listen to the pre-flight instructions. As soon as she feels the urge, she just gets up and heads for the restroom. No matter that the plane is just starting to rev up the engines to take off. She stands up and starts toward the restroom. Well, the ever-vigilant stewardess is able to get her to sit down with a stern “Ma’am” and a look that could slice turnips at 10 paces. The lady sits down with a look of “Now that was out of place.” As soon as she can the stewardess asks the lady if her sojourn to the restroom is an emergency. It isn’t and she sits back down. I think the Darwin theory should just take over – a woman like that will just tumble backwards in the plane until she is unconscious and the rest of us will enjoy the flight that much more.
Enough for now. I’m sure I will come up with more in the future. Stay tuned.
The following is a partial list of things that have or are currently irking me. Now, I know what you are saying, “Dave, you just need to get over this little snit you are having and get on with your life.” To you (and you know who you are) I say "Bite yourself, this is my blog and I am irked so read on, if you dare.
Texas toll roads – Good Lord. This state is huge and sprawling and all that. But do you have to make me stop every 7 miles and pay an additional $1.50. I like the idea of having outer-ring highways that avoid the inner-city traffic but why make me stop every 9 minutes to pay a little bit more. I would be happy to pay the full 5 dollars at the beginning of the trip and be done with it. But no, they designed it to have me stop every few miles and pay a little bit more. And I always seem to be in the lane with the lady looking for exact change. You’ve met her before – she has a combination of Euros, pesos and zlotys and is sure, with the current exchange rates she has exact change.
Airport delays – I am currently writing this aboard my flight from Austin to Las Vegas. It was delayed 20 minutes. Then it was delayed 30 minutes. It was finally delayed 45 minutes but the captain assures me that I will get to Las Vegas with 25 minutes to spare to make my connecting flight back home. Of course when we were boarding the plane the same woman with the exact European change brought on a bag that was clearly not the correct size and she was dead set she could make it fit in the overhead bin, I’m no scientist but a 19 inch deep bin will never hold a 23 inch bag. It just won’t happen no matter how hard you push. Her plan was to push on it, then stand back and say “Huh” and then push it again. Repeat this process 16 times and you have my evening. They eventually convinced her to check the bag and we all got out of the gate after another lengthy delay.
One day business trips – Two hour time differences, two interviews, one conference call and three flight delays. Add in an electronics convention and a lousy hotel bed with a lame TV and I was in rare form when the lady tried to shove the bag in. I thought of a nice place she could shove her bag but kept my mouth shut. "Hey, instead of shoving your oversized bag in the bin, why don't you just shove it right up your..." What an oversized bag, if you know what I mean.
The steward on my flight – he has now asked the people all around me if they want more soda or whatever they are drinking. He has not yet asked me if I would like another shot of diet Coke. The answer is “Yes – I would love another diet Coke.” But he hasn’t asked me that so we will never know if I would have enjoyed the second Coke because it doesn’t look like he is ever going to ask. Yes – I am pissed.
Other airline folks who just don’t get it – My favorite part of the airport experience is the security check. I love taking the computer out of the bag and placing it in a separate bin. I like taking off my shoes and emptying my pockets and my glasses and placing them all in another bin. My favorite is taking off my belt. I’m not sure what security risk a belt poses but I comply, I just do. I especially love it when a lady (you know the one I’m talking about) stops the line when she, no matter how many times she has flown before, runs her bag through the scanner with a full bottle of water. The combination of her looking perplexed and the security guy thinking he has just foiled the next 9/11 plot stops the line for what seems like hours. Of course I am holding my pants up (remember my belt is in a separate bin by now) and just hoping the rest of the day will get better. It rarely does.
Once I am on the flight there is an older lady, not really old but old enough that she surely doesn’t need to listen to the pre-flight instructions. As soon as she feels the urge, she just gets up and heads for the restroom. No matter that the plane is just starting to rev up the engines to take off. She stands up and starts toward the restroom. Well, the ever-vigilant stewardess is able to get her to sit down with a stern “Ma’am” and a look that could slice turnips at 10 paces. The lady sits down with a look of “Now that was out of place.” As soon as she can the stewardess asks the lady if her sojourn to the restroom is an emergency. It isn’t and she sits back down. I think the Darwin theory should just take over – a woman like that will just tumble backwards in the plane until she is unconscious and the rest of us will enjoy the flight that much more.
Enough for now. I’m sure I will come up with more in the future. Stay tuned.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Too Much Church - A Definition
So what really is "too" much church? My definition is - any microsecond more than the three hour block is way too much church. The exception to this definition is if there is pie involved with the additional nanoseconds of church. Today, for instance, was too much church. Faye and I had a 10:00 AM meeting with the other "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples. That hour was "Too Much Church - hereinafter referred as TMC. The three hours of church today qualified as TMC becuase we had not one but two high council speakers. So, be definition, it was TMC per se. However, the time after church today was pie-ful so that alone did not qualify as TMC. The other parts of the sabbath did, however, make this a relatively rough Sunday.
Now you will note that I referred to the other couples as "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples and we have a lot of them. It makes our job a lit easier. When the other IASISLTM couples talk first, when it comes time to ask the Ormes what they have been doing, any short and succinct response is greatly appreciated. So we look good by comparison. Less pedantic = nice people. An equation to live by.
That is all. Have a wonderful week. I will be in Austin Texas (as opposed to Austin, Hawaii) so there.
Now you will note that I referred to the other couples as "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples and we have a lot of them. It makes our job a lit easier. When the other IASISLTM couples talk first, when it comes time to ask the Ormes what they have been doing, any short and succinct response is greatly appreciated. So we look good by comparison. Less pedantic = nice people. An equation to live by.
That is all. Have a wonderful week. I will be in Austin Texas (as opposed to Austin, Hawaii) so there.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Way too much church
It started at 12:30 PM - a missionary farewell at our ward. A young man named Grant going to Houston East in a week or so. A lovely talk and we then left to attend out Young Singles ward(Editors note: I am neither young nor single) So we listened to talk and ward choir numbers (6) - not six numbers, just the number 6) and I fell asleep so doing two Sac Meetings has its silver lining. Then on to Sunday School. There are two classes each being vcery large because there is no Primary or young anything, just Sunday School. So neither of the teachers showed up today. TO me this was perfect. We just don't have Sunday School. BONUS!!! But it was not to be. One gentleman got up after a few minutes and said he would teach our class. Now we are in the middle of the Book of Mormon group of lessons and he could have just started tight where we left off last week but that was not to be as well. He announced he was going to lead a lively discussion on DATING. It was quite the Sunday School. Nows it would have been best to not have it. Better was having the dating discussion. Worst would have been the real lesson so I guess it was a fairly good draw.
Now the lesson was a true window into the collective soul of the Singles Ward. First, we started with a list of gripes, from the male perspective, showing what the boys (yes boys) felt were issues that the women had. Then the real venom, the women's perspective. Some of the comments were quite insightful. Some hilarious. And others just sad, the real reasons so many of these people are still single. I particularly liked the comments I labeled "From the Snippy Bitch" comments. There were many and from various parties. Snippy Bitch comments, they name is Legion. There were plenty of stupid male comments as well. His name is Legion as well. My favorite comment from the male was "If I call and offer to go on a date, my offer of date should supercede any girl's-night you may have already planned." No date for him!
Oh well.
Now the lesson was a true window into the collective soul of the Singles Ward. First, we started with a list of gripes, from the male perspective, showing what the boys (yes boys) felt were issues that the women had. Then the real venom, the women's perspective. Some of the comments were quite insightful. Some hilarious. And others just sad, the real reasons so many of these people are still single. I particularly liked the comments I labeled "From the Snippy Bitch" comments. There were many and from various parties. Snippy Bitch comments, they name is Legion. There were plenty of stupid male comments as well. His name is Legion as well. My favorite comment from the male was "If I call and offer to go on a date, my offer of date should supercede any girl's-night you may have already planned." No date for him!
Oh well.
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