I was just cleaning up my work e-mails and saw Diane's note to me - "This is my blog address" so I looked at her blog. I then thought I should look at my blog and see what's up. I guess I haven't been on for more than 3 weeks. That seems like a long time, even for a slacker like myself.
This is the time of year that seems to just drag on. There is no college football. The Superbowl is coming up but who cares, really. Then it is a month or so before March madness. I don't really get into college hoops until then. There are just too many teams to follow. And listening to ESPN analysts is as enjoyable as getting the prostate check from a large-fingered intern. So I just wait unntil the bracket comes out, put in my $5 and take a stab at the best sounding teams. I always assume a team like St. Bonaventure must have God on their side so they will likely beat a team with just initials like UNC. That is why I usually end up adding to the winner's pool rather than winning the pool. You just wait - one of these years Ione will play Canesius for the title and I will be the only one to collect it all.
So anyway, I just sit here, day after day, and work. We got the new Wii (it's not really new, it's just new to us) and Faye and I bowl like we are total geeks each and every night. I am proud to say I have made three diferent Miis pros. I usually bowl as Tamsen (she made her own Mii on our system) and she is pretty good. Faye and I are thinking about geting shirts and starting to smoke, we are that good. It is tough to keep up on the biking. Portland has decided to become a winter sity this year and it has snowed a lot. It is hard to seriously bike when there is snow and ice on the roads. Besides, it is way cold and I hate biking when it is so snowy outside. So I do the Wii sports. It is a way to act like I'm exercising when I'm really not doing that much. Although, it is fun to try and snowboard. I realize I would be dead or serioiusly injured if I tried this in real life. Really, I would endanger the lives of all on the slopes if I were to do this in real life. I can make it turn but not like the guys I see on TV. My style is more of a chaos on ice. It is humorous though. I crack myself up each and every time.
So there, I've blogged. Are you happy?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Missionay Schmissionary
We are now in the middle of trying to get Matt ready to go on his mission. In the old days, the days when I went on a mission, you just went in to the Bishop and he filled out your forms and sent them in to a big building in Salt Lake and the rest just magically happened. Well, not so any more. It is a big on-line conspiracy and we are just a tiny blip on the radar.
Well, after hours of trying to log on many different ways I called the missionary department. A very nice, yet condescending, lady got me to a nice, but condescending, man who told me that my bishop needed to initialize the process and then we could access the system just fine. He did insinuate, with the tone of his voice, that perhaps I was not paying a full tithe or maybe, just maybe, I was not worthy enough to access the Lord's website. I got over this and am now in the process of leaving voice messages at every phone my bishop has even used trying to get access to this system before Matt's scheduled physical tomorrow. I think there is a biblical precedent for this in Hezekiah. "Yea, the Priest of Baal shall not triumph over the hosts of the Israelites until he shall gain access to the website of the Moabites.." I am paraphrasing but I think you get the point. It was all about access and band width, even in ancient times.
So now we wait. I hate waiting. When I am ready to get moving I think everyone should be available to get me the information I need. Immediately. No down time. I need answers and I need them now.
Other than that Christmas was bizarre. It was so cold and icy and snowy here that we were mostly homeound the week before Christmas. Of course, that was the week we were planning on getting much of our shopping and such done. The freeways were mostly clear but getting out of our neighborhood was a nightmare. So we sat and enjoyed each other's company. We enjoyed the tree. Then we broke down and opened Sam's present and played on the Wii until we were hurting. We figured the Wii is new and it wouldn't hurt if we made sure there were no bugs or glitches in it before he took it back to Provo. So when Sam and Tamsen finally made it here we wrapped up the Wii box and gave it to them. So who cares if there are already high scores and named players in the system, we were bored out of our noggins and had to do something. We actually purchased our own Wii system the next day and are enjoying the snot out of it as we speak.
So, after many days of not working I am back to work again. I have always felt the sine qua non of a decent vacation is if you can't remember your password when you get back. Unfortunately I was able to remember my passwords when I logged in this morning so, by definition, the vacation was not long enough. I also woke up to more snow on the roads this morning. I can't believe this. We moved to Portland to get away from the snow and now it is all over the place.
During the storm we had snow, then ice, then lots of snow. This caused all sorts of tree limbs to come crashing down all around us. We heard several large branches come down on our roof and hoped for the best. A few days ago I went up on the roof just to see the amount of foliage up there and found out that one of the crashes we heard actually penetrated the roof. Luckily the branch was still stuck in the roof so the hole was plugged quite snugly. I got someone out the same day and they patched the roof so when the remaining rain and snow came the next few days I am comfortable my roof is in no worse shape than it was before all of this happened. They joys of homeownership. We also visited out widow neighbor Eva and found that her back yard was a battleground of broken tree limbs. So a few days ago the entire famiy went back there and cleaned up her backyard. Even Diane and Matt got to enjoy this service for our neighbors. Matt got to use the power saw so that was fun. The rest of us just hauled stuff to different piles. Lots of fun. Eva thinks we are superheroes though. I think we are.
The sun is out. The snow is melting. I am out.
Well, after hours of trying to log on many different ways I called the missionary department. A very nice, yet condescending, lady got me to a nice, but condescending, man who told me that my bishop needed to initialize the process and then we could access the system just fine. He did insinuate, with the tone of his voice, that perhaps I was not paying a full tithe or maybe, just maybe, I was not worthy enough to access the Lord's website. I got over this and am now in the process of leaving voice messages at every phone my bishop has even used trying to get access to this system before Matt's scheduled physical tomorrow. I think there is a biblical precedent for this in Hezekiah. "Yea, the Priest of Baal shall not triumph over the hosts of the Israelites until he shall gain access to the website of the Moabites.." I am paraphrasing but I think you get the point. It was all about access and band width, even in ancient times.
So now we wait. I hate waiting. When I am ready to get moving I think everyone should be available to get me the information I need. Immediately. No down time. I need answers and I need them now.
Other than that Christmas was bizarre. It was so cold and icy and snowy here that we were mostly homeound the week before Christmas. Of course, that was the week we were planning on getting much of our shopping and such done. The freeways were mostly clear but getting out of our neighborhood was a nightmare. So we sat and enjoyed each other's company. We enjoyed the tree. Then we broke down and opened Sam's present and played on the Wii until we were hurting. We figured the Wii is new and it wouldn't hurt if we made sure there were no bugs or glitches in it before he took it back to Provo. So when Sam and Tamsen finally made it here we wrapped up the Wii box and gave it to them. So who cares if there are already high scores and named players in the system, we were bored out of our noggins and had to do something. We actually purchased our own Wii system the next day and are enjoying the snot out of it as we speak.
So, after many days of not working I am back to work again. I have always felt the sine qua non of a decent vacation is if you can't remember your password when you get back. Unfortunately I was able to remember my passwords when I logged in this morning so, by definition, the vacation was not long enough. I also woke up to more snow on the roads this morning. I can't believe this. We moved to Portland to get away from the snow and now it is all over the place.
During the storm we had snow, then ice, then lots of snow. This caused all sorts of tree limbs to come crashing down all around us. We heard several large branches come down on our roof and hoped for the best. A few days ago I went up on the roof just to see the amount of foliage up there and found out that one of the crashes we heard actually penetrated the roof. Luckily the branch was still stuck in the roof so the hole was plugged quite snugly. I got someone out the same day and they patched the roof so when the remaining rain and snow came the next few days I am comfortable my roof is in no worse shape than it was before all of this happened. They joys of homeownership. We also visited out widow neighbor Eva and found that her back yard was a battleground of broken tree limbs. So a few days ago the entire famiy went back there and cleaned up her backyard. Even Diane and Matt got to enjoy this service for our neighbors. Matt got to use the power saw so that was fun. The rest of us just hauled stuff to different piles. Lots of fun. Eva thinks we are superheroes though. I think we are.
The sun is out. The snow is melting. I am out.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A Partial List
A Partial List
The following is a partial list of things that have or are currently irking me. Now, I know what you are saying, “Dave, you just need to get over this little snit you are having and get on with your life.” To you (and you know who you are) I say "Bite yourself, this is my blog and I am irked so read on, if you dare.
Texas toll roads – Good Lord. This state is huge and sprawling and all that. But do you have to make me stop every 7 miles and pay an additional $1.50. I like the idea of having outer-ring highways that avoid the inner-city traffic but why make me stop every 9 minutes to pay a little bit more. I would be happy to pay the full 5 dollars at the beginning of the trip and be done with it. But no, they designed it to have me stop every few miles and pay a little bit more. And I always seem to be in the lane with the lady looking for exact change. You’ve met her before – she has a combination of Euros, pesos and zlotys and is sure, with the current exchange rates she has exact change.
Airport delays – I am currently writing this aboard my flight from Austin to Las Vegas. It was delayed 20 minutes. Then it was delayed 30 minutes. It was finally delayed 45 minutes but the captain assures me that I will get to Las Vegas with 25 minutes to spare to make my connecting flight back home. Of course when we were boarding the plane the same woman with the exact European change brought on a bag that was clearly not the correct size and she was dead set she could make it fit in the overhead bin, I’m no scientist but a 19 inch deep bin will never hold a 23 inch bag. It just won’t happen no matter how hard you push. Her plan was to push on it, then stand back and say “Huh” and then push it again. Repeat this process 16 times and you have my evening. They eventually convinced her to check the bag and we all got out of the gate after another lengthy delay.
One day business trips – Two hour time differences, two interviews, one conference call and three flight delays. Add in an electronics convention and a lousy hotel bed with a lame TV and I was in rare form when the lady tried to shove the bag in. I thought of a nice place she could shove her bag but kept my mouth shut. "Hey, instead of shoving your oversized bag in the bin, why don't you just shove it right up your..." What an oversized bag, if you know what I mean.
The steward on my flight – he has now asked the people all around me if they want more soda or whatever they are drinking. He has not yet asked me if I would like another shot of diet Coke. The answer is “Yes – I would love another diet Coke.” But he hasn’t asked me that so we will never know if I would have enjoyed the second Coke because it doesn’t look like he is ever going to ask. Yes – I am pissed.
Other airline folks who just don’t get it – My favorite part of the airport experience is the security check. I love taking the computer out of the bag and placing it in a separate bin. I like taking off my shoes and emptying my pockets and my glasses and placing them all in another bin. My favorite is taking off my belt. I’m not sure what security risk a belt poses but I comply, I just do. I especially love it when a lady (you know the one I’m talking about) stops the line when she, no matter how many times she has flown before, runs her bag through the scanner with a full bottle of water. The combination of her looking perplexed and the security guy thinking he has just foiled the next 9/11 plot stops the line for what seems like hours. Of course I am holding my pants up (remember my belt is in a separate bin by now) and just hoping the rest of the day will get better. It rarely does.
Once I am on the flight there is an older lady, not really old but old enough that she surely doesn’t need to listen to the pre-flight instructions. As soon as she feels the urge, she just gets up and heads for the restroom. No matter that the plane is just starting to rev up the engines to take off. She stands up and starts toward the restroom. Well, the ever-vigilant stewardess is able to get her to sit down with a stern “Ma’am” and a look that could slice turnips at 10 paces. The lady sits down with a look of “Now that was out of place.” As soon as she can the stewardess asks the lady if her sojourn to the restroom is an emergency. It isn’t and she sits back down. I think the Darwin theory should just take over – a woman like that will just tumble backwards in the plane until she is unconscious and the rest of us will enjoy the flight that much more.
Enough for now. I’m sure I will come up with more in the future. Stay tuned.
The following is a partial list of things that have or are currently irking me. Now, I know what you are saying, “Dave, you just need to get over this little snit you are having and get on with your life.” To you (and you know who you are) I say "Bite yourself, this is my blog and I am irked so read on, if you dare.
Texas toll roads – Good Lord. This state is huge and sprawling and all that. But do you have to make me stop every 7 miles and pay an additional $1.50. I like the idea of having outer-ring highways that avoid the inner-city traffic but why make me stop every 9 minutes to pay a little bit more. I would be happy to pay the full 5 dollars at the beginning of the trip and be done with it. But no, they designed it to have me stop every few miles and pay a little bit more. And I always seem to be in the lane with the lady looking for exact change. You’ve met her before – she has a combination of Euros, pesos and zlotys and is sure, with the current exchange rates she has exact change.
Airport delays – I am currently writing this aboard my flight from Austin to Las Vegas. It was delayed 20 minutes. Then it was delayed 30 minutes. It was finally delayed 45 minutes but the captain assures me that I will get to Las Vegas with 25 minutes to spare to make my connecting flight back home. Of course when we were boarding the plane the same woman with the exact European change brought on a bag that was clearly not the correct size and she was dead set she could make it fit in the overhead bin, I’m no scientist but a 19 inch deep bin will never hold a 23 inch bag. It just won’t happen no matter how hard you push. Her plan was to push on it, then stand back and say “Huh” and then push it again. Repeat this process 16 times and you have my evening. They eventually convinced her to check the bag and we all got out of the gate after another lengthy delay.
One day business trips – Two hour time differences, two interviews, one conference call and three flight delays. Add in an electronics convention and a lousy hotel bed with a lame TV and I was in rare form when the lady tried to shove the bag in. I thought of a nice place she could shove her bag but kept my mouth shut. "Hey, instead of shoving your oversized bag in the bin, why don't you just shove it right up your..." What an oversized bag, if you know what I mean.
The steward on my flight – he has now asked the people all around me if they want more soda or whatever they are drinking. He has not yet asked me if I would like another shot of diet Coke. The answer is “Yes – I would love another diet Coke.” But he hasn’t asked me that so we will never know if I would have enjoyed the second Coke because it doesn’t look like he is ever going to ask. Yes – I am pissed.
Other airline folks who just don’t get it – My favorite part of the airport experience is the security check. I love taking the computer out of the bag and placing it in a separate bin. I like taking off my shoes and emptying my pockets and my glasses and placing them all in another bin. My favorite is taking off my belt. I’m not sure what security risk a belt poses but I comply, I just do. I especially love it when a lady (you know the one I’m talking about) stops the line when she, no matter how many times she has flown before, runs her bag through the scanner with a full bottle of water. The combination of her looking perplexed and the security guy thinking he has just foiled the next 9/11 plot stops the line for what seems like hours. Of course I am holding my pants up (remember my belt is in a separate bin by now) and just hoping the rest of the day will get better. It rarely does.
Once I am on the flight there is an older lady, not really old but old enough that she surely doesn’t need to listen to the pre-flight instructions. As soon as she feels the urge, she just gets up and heads for the restroom. No matter that the plane is just starting to rev up the engines to take off. She stands up and starts toward the restroom. Well, the ever-vigilant stewardess is able to get her to sit down with a stern “Ma’am” and a look that could slice turnips at 10 paces. The lady sits down with a look of “Now that was out of place.” As soon as she can the stewardess asks the lady if her sojourn to the restroom is an emergency. It isn’t and she sits back down. I think the Darwin theory should just take over – a woman like that will just tumble backwards in the plane until she is unconscious and the rest of us will enjoy the flight that much more.
Enough for now. I’m sure I will come up with more in the future. Stay tuned.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Too Much Church - A Definition
So what really is "too" much church? My definition is - any microsecond more than the three hour block is way too much church. The exception to this definition is if there is pie involved with the additional nanoseconds of church. Today, for instance, was too much church. Faye and I had a 10:00 AM meeting with the other "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples. That hour was "Too Much Church - hereinafter referred as TMC. The three hours of church today qualified as TMC becuase we had not one but two high council speakers. So, be definition, it was TMC per se. However, the time after church today was pie-ful so that alone did not qualify as TMC. The other parts of the sabbath did, however, make this a relatively rough Sunday.
Now you will note that I referred to the other couples as "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples and we have a lot of them. It makes our job a lit easier. When the other IASISLTM couples talk first, when it comes time to ask the Ormes what they have been doing, any short and succinct response is greatly appreciated. So we look good by comparison. Less pedantic = nice people. An equation to live by.
That is all. Have a wonderful week. I will be in Austin Texas (as opposed to Austin, Hawaii) so there.
Now you will note that I referred to the other couples as "I-am-so-important-so-listen-to-me" couples and we have a lot of them. It makes our job a lit easier. When the other IASISLTM couples talk first, when it comes time to ask the Ormes what they have been doing, any short and succinct response is greatly appreciated. So we look good by comparison. Less pedantic = nice people. An equation to live by.
That is all. Have a wonderful week. I will be in Austin Texas (as opposed to Austin, Hawaii) so there.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Way too much church
It started at 12:30 PM - a missionary farewell at our ward. A young man named Grant going to Houston East in a week or so. A lovely talk and we then left to attend out Young Singles ward(Editors note: I am neither young nor single) So we listened to talk and ward choir numbers (6) - not six numbers, just the number 6) and I fell asleep so doing two Sac Meetings has its silver lining. Then on to Sunday School. There are two classes each being vcery large because there is no Primary or young anything, just Sunday School. So neither of the teachers showed up today. TO me this was perfect. We just don't have Sunday School. BONUS!!! But it was not to be. One gentleman got up after a few minutes and said he would teach our class. Now we are in the middle of the Book of Mormon group of lessons and he could have just started tight where we left off last week but that was not to be as well. He announced he was going to lead a lively discussion on DATING. It was quite the Sunday School. Nows it would have been best to not have it. Better was having the dating discussion. Worst would have been the real lesson so I guess it was a fairly good draw.
Now the lesson was a true window into the collective soul of the Singles Ward. First, we started with a list of gripes, from the male perspective, showing what the boys (yes boys) felt were issues that the women had. Then the real venom, the women's perspective. Some of the comments were quite insightful. Some hilarious. And others just sad, the real reasons so many of these people are still single. I particularly liked the comments I labeled "From the Snippy Bitch" comments. There were many and from various parties. Snippy Bitch comments, they name is Legion. There were plenty of stupid male comments as well. His name is Legion as well. My favorite comment from the male was "If I call and offer to go on a date, my offer of date should supercede any girl's-night you may have already planned." No date for him!
Oh well.
Now the lesson was a true window into the collective soul of the Singles Ward. First, we started with a list of gripes, from the male perspective, showing what the boys (yes boys) felt were issues that the women had. Then the real venom, the women's perspective. Some of the comments were quite insightful. Some hilarious. And others just sad, the real reasons so many of these people are still single. I particularly liked the comments I labeled "From the Snippy Bitch" comments. There were many and from various parties. Snippy Bitch comments, they name is Legion. There were plenty of stupid male comments as well. His name is Legion as well. My favorite comment from the male was "If I call and offer to go on a date, my offer of date should supercede any girl's-night you may have already planned." No date for him!
Oh well.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Please unlock Dave
First, Kudos to Isaac for naming the one piece of hardware I have yet to purchase, the double gertered bavarian cold dipped snaus screw. I checked at my local Ace hardward emporium and they come in various lengths and either hot-dipped, cold-dipped or stainless. It goes without saying they are bugle tipped. I bought matching earrings made from them for Faye for Christmas so don't tell her.
And Kudos to Diane for renaming the porch the porck. I will christen it as such when the champagne arrives.
So, I am in a new job with high expectations. I kind of lied my rear end off in the interview, (I invented cheese and the computer) and I am trying my best to figure things out on my own instead of calling every 9 minutes with another "how do I" type question. So this morning my boss asks for a specific document by the end of the day with very specific information. He had even provided the slides from a powerpoint presentation on how to access the database to get the information. Well, this seems like a no-brainer for me. I should be able to review the slides, access the database and send out a memo the likes of which have rarely been seen in all the land. I shall succeed - I just knew it.
Well, you have all tried to gain access to websites and databases when the password and the filename contain numerous letters, numbers and symbols, some of which have to be capitalized or lower cased or whatever. Well, I went through every possible combination of these trying to get into the damned database and I couldn't do it. Before I go on, a note about my boss. He is a British man and can be very finicky , especially when he says he wants something by a certain date. They are refered to as Hardfiles at Farmers and I was recently(just hours before this) called on the carpet because I had missed one of his Hardfiles. So I was not about to miss this one. Anyway, like I said he is a Brit from Kennsington Smythefield Widget Pickleworthe Fudgemonkey-on-Avon, a suburb of Plankmeat Farthington Specialsaucelettucepickle Onasesameseedbun Pencilneck Danglersbotton. He is very particular about everything. So, after literally hours of trying every other avenue to get into this database (I called the helpdesk and HR and people I didn't even know) I finally sent him an e-mail admitting my failure and asked for his help with the database. Minutes later I get the e-mail chain from him - He sent my e-mail to the IT guy and it stated "Please unlock Dave." I spent the better part of my morning trying to get into a database and give him some F-gerund memo and he had me locked out of the database. There is still spit on my computer screen from all the cursing and venom I spewed, yes spewed, when I saw that e-mail.
That was how my morning started.
How was yours.
And Kudos to Diane for renaming the porch the porck. I will christen it as such when the champagne arrives.
So, I am in a new job with high expectations. I kind of lied my rear end off in the interview, (I invented cheese and the computer) and I am trying my best to figure things out on my own instead of calling every 9 minutes with another "how do I" type question. So this morning my boss asks for a specific document by the end of the day with very specific information. He had even provided the slides from a powerpoint presentation on how to access the database to get the information. Well, this seems like a no-brainer for me. I should be able to review the slides, access the database and send out a memo the likes of which have rarely been seen in all the land. I shall succeed - I just knew it.
Well, you have all tried to gain access to websites and databases when the password and the filename contain numerous letters, numbers and symbols, some of which have to be capitalized or lower cased or whatever. Well, I went through every possible combination of these trying to get into the damned database and I couldn't do it. Before I go on, a note about my boss. He is a British man and can be very finicky , especially when he says he wants something by a certain date. They are refered to as Hardfiles at Farmers and I was recently(just hours before this) called on the carpet because I had missed one of his Hardfiles. So I was not about to miss this one. Anyway, like I said he is a Brit from Kennsington Smythefield Widget Pickleworthe Fudgemonkey-on-Avon, a suburb of Plankmeat Farthington Specialsaucelettucepickle Onasesameseedbun Pencilneck Danglersbotton. He is very particular about everything. So, after literally hours of trying every other avenue to get into this database (I called the helpdesk and HR and people I didn't even know) I finally sent him an e-mail admitting my failure and asked for his help with the database. Minutes later I get the e-mail chain from him - He sent my e-mail to the IT guy and it stated "Please unlock Dave." I spent the better part of my morning trying to get into a database and give him some F-gerund memo and he had me locked out of the database. There is still spit on my computer screen from all the cursing and venom I spewed, yes spewed, when I saw that e-mail.
That was how my morning started.
How was yours.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Nearly a porch
After another weekend (Saturday for you non-mormons) I still have not completed the porch. It has 2/3 of a railing now and is only marginally dangerous for those who venture the risks of actually approaching my door. I approximate that only one in five would actually hurt themsemves on the deck and of those, likely only one in three would take to time to sue me. I can live with those odds.
We started the day at 8:00 AM because deckers are not allowed to sleep in on the weekends. My poor neighbors have heard the whine/scream of a chop saw at 8 AM for the past three weekends. It's like the cock-a-doodle-doo from the Orme's house. Luckily most do not own handguns or I would be a dead duck. We went to the store shortly thereafter because the hardware and wood that I purchased for the remainder of the project were woefully understated. Can you believe it - I didn't even know they made stainless steel deck bolts in 3, 4 and 5 inch lengths. I thought hot dipped was all I had to do. I think not.
We also had to buy very nice cedar for the railing. I understood that, since people would be running their hands on this railing, it had to be the nicest cedar out there, the nicest cedar available to humankind. Cedar so nice each individual piece had to submit a business plan with graphs before it could even be cut down and considered for the position of my railing. Well, we went to the cedar botique and purused the cedar. It was a nice place. A man in a tuxedo brought us both a glass of champagne and had the cedar brought in to the office one at a time. All right, it wasn't quite that outrageous but it was close. Of course we looked at every piece of wood in the store and then chose the must humble 2x4 in the emporium. I should have been scared when there was no price marked near the wood bin. Well, after all was said and paid for I paid almost $22 for a 4 ft piece of wood. So if you come to my house and walk on my porch, plelase feel free to run your grubby little hands all over the railing because it contains part of my soul and some of my 401K. It does look nice though. However, the deck/porch is not done yet. We only got the main part of the railing done. At the top where it makes to two quick turns is still open and dangerous. I can't wait for halloween.
We have the platinum-grade cedar for the top railing and have it properly dove-tailed/mitred and waiting to be placed. When we were ready to do this my lumber-mentor commented that we really needed to use his "oval machine" to do the job properly. Now I confess I've been on the other end of these before. I've sent new scouts on snipe hunts and it was fun. I thought he was kidding but the look in his eyes told me otherwise. He was not about to let me half-ass my way through this last critical step of the porch process. (In fact, I am the king of half-ass. I have special chairs so I can sit down. I even walk a bit funny because of it. I think I am a protected class now.) He would have no confidence in that edge joint unless it was properly ovaled into place. I don't quite understand the process of the oval machine but it sounds like, if the Iraquis had used them previously, it would be an entirely different war over there. I think this should become a campaign issue, seriously. I don't need an economic stimulus check if I can't even afford an oval machine. And another thing - what else in my house needs ovaling? I bet the Japanese have ovalers, and spare ones to boot. I bet Japanese kids are learning ovaling in elementary school while my kids are learning how to save the princess in Mario Brothers. I blame the democrats.
I will let you know how it goes, assuming it is ever finished.
We started the day at 8:00 AM because deckers are not allowed to sleep in on the weekends. My poor neighbors have heard the whine/scream of a chop saw at 8 AM for the past three weekends. It's like the cock-a-doodle-doo from the Orme's house. Luckily most do not own handguns or I would be a dead duck. We went to the store shortly thereafter because the hardware and wood that I purchased for the remainder of the project were woefully understated. Can you believe it - I didn't even know they made stainless steel deck bolts in 3, 4 and 5 inch lengths. I thought hot dipped was all I had to do. I think not.
We also had to buy very nice cedar for the railing. I understood that, since people would be running their hands on this railing, it had to be the nicest cedar out there, the nicest cedar available to humankind. Cedar so nice each individual piece had to submit a business plan with graphs before it could even be cut down and considered for the position of my railing. Well, we went to the cedar botique and purused the cedar. It was a nice place. A man in a tuxedo brought us both a glass of champagne and had the cedar brought in to the office one at a time. All right, it wasn't quite that outrageous but it was close. Of course we looked at every piece of wood in the store and then chose the must humble 2x4 in the emporium. I should have been scared when there was no price marked near the wood bin. Well, after all was said and paid for I paid almost $22 for a 4 ft piece of wood. So if you come to my house and walk on my porch, plelase feel free to run your grubby little hands all over the railing because it contains part of my soul and some of my 401K. It does look nice though. However, the deck/porch is not done yet. We only got the main part of the railing done. At the top where it makes to two quick turns is still open and dangerous. I can't wait for halloween.
We have the platinum-grade cedar for the top railing and have it properly dove-tailed/mitred and waiting to be placed. When we were ready to do this my lumber-mentor commented that we really needed to use his "oval machine" to do the job properly. Now I confess I've been on the other end of these before. I've sent new scouts on snipe hunts and it was fun. I thought he was kidding but the look in his eyes told me otherwise. He was not about to let me half-ass my way through this last critical step of the porch process. (In fact, I am the king of half-ass. I have special chairs so I can sit down. I even walk a bit funny because of it. I think I am a protected class now.) He would have no confidence in that edge joint unless it was properly ovaled into place. I don't quite understand the process of the oval machine but it sounds like, if the Iraquis had used them previously, it would be an entirely different war over there. I think this should become a campaign issue, seriously. I don't need an economic stimulus check if I can't even afford an oval machine. And another thing - what else in my house needs ovaling? I bet the Japanese have ovalers, and spare ones to boot. I bet Japanese kids are learning ovaling in elementary school while my kids are learning how to save the princess in Mario Brothers. I blame the democrats.
I will let you know how it goes, assuming it is ever finished.
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